I want to be So Far Gone in You...Even if I can only be a Doorkeeper

Its been only a few weeks into 2013, and I can say its turning out to be one of the rougher starts to a new year for me.  It was as if once it turned 2013, everything began to fall apart...car troubles (I seriously better be compensated for the damage), sudden changes in plans, inevitable events, unpleasant surprises...A lot of these things have taken away my peace, contentment and joy.  I recently reread my post about joy and tried to navigate my way back.  

The topic of contentment is interesting.  I went to Central Peninsula Church in Foster City a few weeks ago and Pastor Mark Mitchell, talked about "Hope for the New Year".  His message was on Psalms 84 where the Psalmist's Psalm described three different types of journeys.  I wont steal Mark Mitchell's thunder...but one of the journeys is "Journey of Contentment".  

"Better is one day in your courts

    than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
    than dwell in the tents of the wicked."

 ~Psalms 84:10

I love the image that is painted by this verse.  Its better to be in God's courts for one day...JUST ONE...than  thousands of the best days on this Earth!  I would love to be that content...Just knowing that I am in God's presence is enough to make everything else seem insignificant.  The other cool thing is one can also be content and happy with being a doorkeeper (NOTE: doorkeepers are outside, dangers of guarding doors) of God's house than be inside the tent (NOTE: inside, shelter, security) of the wicked.  That is some contentment!  

To go further on the topic of contentment, I recently have a new favorite song...Thousand Foot Krutch - So Far Gone.  

Yeah, Yeah...I have said  that I dont usually listen to TFK because their music is too hard ...But this is one of their mellow songs.  I really like this song because I do want to be "so far gone in You".  And no...its not talking about a significant other...but rather the God that created everything, who still loves and cares about us even though we are screw ups.  He still feels for us when we struggle in life.  Even though I am going through a small rough patch right now, I constantly want to run towards Christ and be in His arms and protection.  "I wanna be so far gone in You...So far that nothing else will do!"  I want to be back in that place...where it feels like nothing else will do...where my peace, contentment and joy is based off of the excitement of knowing Christ.  I want to be So Far Gone in You...even if I can only be a Doorkeeper.  

Lyrics after the break...

Man vs. Feelings: The Biggest Mismatch in History

Sports Announcer 1: Hello everyone and welcome to the biggest mismatch in history...MAN vs FEELINGS.  
Sports Announcer 2: Thats right, Bob...this is the biggest mismatch and we are here to cover the battle's in's and out's tonight ladies and gentlemen.  In the past, MAN has always had a hard time facing FEELINGS in a match up like this.  
Sports Announcer 1: That is very true...the last match up like this ended up with FEELINGS chasing MAN around the ring until MAN got tired and FEELINGS laid the smack down on him.  
Sports Announcer 2: O yes...not a very good sight.  But, will the outcome be different tonight?
Sports Announcer 1: We'll see what happens.  so...MAN is on your right and FEELINGS is on your left...waiting for the bell...
*DING*  
Sports Announcer 2: And their off!  

Yes...as a guy, I'm not a big advocate for feelings.  I am not very connected with it, its scary and quite frankly, I have done a lot of running away from feelings.  In this day and age in this society, men who talk about emotions are seen as weak.  But what's interesting is there is a fear of dealing with feelings.  As guys we want to be seen as brave, but when it comes to feelings we want to ignore or hide or run away from it...so much for being brave.  Well, I am going to take the bull by the horns and discuss the biggest mismatch in history

More after the break...

Sactown (part i): Boring?

Sacramento...what to say about this place.  On the outside, it does not seem like it has much going for this city.  High crime rates, not too much to do, bad pro sport team, in the middle of no where, suburbia galore...Many young adults would ride off this place as boring.  In a sense, they are right.  It's boring...

I lived in a nice suburb area in Sacramento growing up.  The Sacramento River flowed less than a mile away...nice bike/jogging trails, parks, etc.  But, there's no excitement.  Besides the State Fair, big events in town comes once a blue moon.  On top of that, being a kid in the suburb, there's practically no reason to go into town anyways.  Everything one needs to survive is within a 5 mile radius.  Back then, Sac didnt really have too much going on in downtown either...on a nice summer evening, downtown was empty by 6PM...almost ghost town status.  Nothing really put Sacramento on the map besides a big white granite building that houses the state's government and the Sacramento Kings back in the early 2000s.  It felt like the place lacked identity.  As a result, boring has long been ingrained into my mind.  Not to mention, there are some personal issues that prevented me from liking Sacramento in the first place.  

Until now...

By all means...Sacramento is not SF, LA, NYC, Chicago or Seattle.  Its not what many consider as a famous or giant city...where everything happens.  Its subtle.  The city has it's problems as I mentioned earlier, but if you look hard enough, it has its gems.  

About a year ago, I started attending Acacia, a young adult group out of a church in Davis, CA.  I remembered the first Sac small group meeting I went to in midtown Sacramento.  I completely did not realize there were so many hipster-esque restaurants that were built up in the area around L street.  The street was busy...full of people.  Within a few blocks there were a variety of places to eat and hang out...and if you know me...I love to eat and hang out.  It was a far cry from what I grew up seeing, empty government buildings after 6PM.  A few months later, we began a small period of time where we started trying out restaurants all over the city.  

Another thing that I like to do is outdoor activities.  I went on my first legit mountain biking trail...also in Sacramento.  It was so much fun!  I got to try out a demo bike and felt the rush of adrenaline going through these trails.  Then tried out river rafting, kayaking and paddle boarding.  I picked up cycling...and love my usual rides down the American River Trail.  There were so many outdoor activities in the area, I dont know how in the world did I ever think Sacramento was a boring place.

In addition, I realized Sacramento has a lot of history and art.  Railroad Museum, Crocker Art Museum, Old Sacramento, 2nd Saturday Art Walk, Sutter Fort, Historic Folsom, etc.  Sacramento used to be the biggest railroad hub in the west coast.  It was also a central location during the gold rush where people traded in their gold.  Knowing so much about the impact of Sacramento in California and US history, helps me realize how amazing this city was back in the day.  As for art...I love art, but I don't know the slightest thing about it.  But, to explore galleries during 2nd Saturday Art Walks and Crocker Art museum really makes one appreciate the different artistic styles and movements in the area.

To make Sacramento even better, its central to everything...2 hours to the beach and 2 hours to the mountains.  As a person who loves the ocean and loves to snowboard...it's pretty nice.

Sure...Sac does not have giant music artists that comes into town every week, nor does it have a strong professional sports team that is always in playoff or going to championship games, but to call it boring...and nothing to do is quite a bit extreme.  I can think of so many more cities that are more boring.  I can go on and on regarding how much there is to do in Sac...but I think there is one important point with all this that I want to leave you with.  Activities are fun and interesting when people with common interest enjoy those things together.  You can be in the most exciting city in the world...but if you can't find someone who has a similar interest to enjoy the excitement with, that city would just be as boring.  Id say, find people that has similar interests and do those amazing activities together.

Anyways...even with all these awesome things to do...Sac is far from being ideal...as I will try to explain in the next Sactown part...For one...It still lacks identity.  

Spoiled Brat

I had a sudden conviction today in the morning.  I woke up being anxious, flustered, annoyed, and just plain overwhelmed due to a few personal circumstances.  Woke up on the wrong side of the bed you can say.  But as I woke up with these feelings, I quickly began to pray knowing what's bothering me can destroy the entire day.  As I began to run my errands, a thought came in my head, "You are such a spoiled brat."

When there is something wrong in my life, I pout and cry to God; if something that even remotely bothers me, I cry out to God; if I want something, I cry out to God; if I am greatly in pain I cry out to God...But when it comes down to serving God, there is always a condition.  It is as if I bargain with God to get out of my duties.  If things go well in my life, I praise God for all the great things that goes on an move on with my life.  Completely spoiled brat status.

My brattiness has been causing most of my anxiety and frustration.  When I want something to happen in my life very badly, I end up saying to myself, "I have to do (fill in the blank)."  A master plan is formulated as if my own master plan can fulfill my deep desires.  The reason why I pray/cry to God is in hopes that my plan would work and get what I want.  Because I put so much faith in what I want and my desires, anxiety is formed...knowing that God does not have to grant what I want and wish for.

This conviction has shown how broken and selfish I am.  An issue I do not know how to fix.  It is something that has hindered my faith and trust in the one and only True God.  I neglect the fact that I am his...that I am "not [my] own, [I was] bought at a price.  Therefore [I should] honor God with [my] body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Ok...Im quoting this verse out of context a bit.  But it is true...If I am made for God, I should be honoring Him...not try to use God to fulfill my own agenda and whine to God when I dont get what I want.

Lord Jesus!  Forgive me for my lack of faith.  I pray that I would not be anxious, and not be a spoiled brat, but rather trust that whatever happens, going with my plans and desires or not, that You know what is best for me.  You know it better than I know myself.  I cannot change with purely my own will power...but only the Holy Spirit can change this hardened heart of mine.  Let your Spirit be present now and heal this wicked part of my heart.  I am Yours.  

I'll Be Right Beside You

I was listening to the radio one day and this song came up.

I have to admit...I was first attracted to the music.  It was very catchy!  I attempted to look it up on YouTube and this is what came up.  As a person who is very "relational", I found this song extremely touching.
On a semi-different note, I really like how Dawn Michele from Fireflight sang with Building 429 in this song.  The duet really gave the song the feel that a couple is supporting each other in their relationship that's under God.  I have heard of many songs that is a love song to God, but rarely have I heard a Christian love song to a significant other.

Anyways.  Lyrics of the song after the break.

New Member (part ii): Alfie

Recently,  Ive been thinking about moving into my own place by the end of this year.  Since my house is so empty, I have been pretty active in thinking about getting a dog as a companion in the house.

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine was going on a trip for the day and needed some assistance to watch over his dog, Alfie, for the day.  Realizing its a good opportunity to help a friend out and also re-sharpen my dog owning skills, I decided to help out.

That Saturday morning, I picked Alfie, and headed home.  I did not know what to expect.  Alfie is an inside dog.  My previous dog was an outside dog and 3 times Alfie's size.  It was almost as if being a first time dog owner all over again.  Needless to say, I was a little nervous...but really excited to get started.

The first thing that came to my mind when I picked up Alfie is, "how am I going to get him to not hijack the car when Im driving?"  But even though he's so high energy, Alfie is also very well trained.  In the car, he would cutely (learning to say this word publicly with less shame) sit on the front center armrest.  He didnt even attempt to crawl in my lap, or even try to take over the steering wheel.  thank goodness!

When I got home, I played fetch with Alfie in the backyard for a while.  Because Alfie loves his tennis balls so much, he tries to hoard as much many of them as possible.  What's cute about this is his mouth is only so big...but he wants ALL the tennis balls that's available to him.  So, if you gave him two tennis balls he will try to hold both in his mouth at the same time...without any success.  Then when you approach and try to grab one of the tennis ball, he would frantically try to decide which one to grab.

The hardest thing after playing fetch was getting Alfie back into the house.  I probably spent 30 minutes just to get him inside.  Alfie is so smart!  He can read my mind (scary thought) and just know that I want him to go inside.  Also, if I try to trick him into going inside and failed...he would not fall for the same thing twice.  Except one...I ended up using his Achille's heel...the tennis ball.  I threw the ball into house and he ran straight inside.  hehe.  That never failed.  muahahaha...I know I can be evil.  :P

Throughout the day, I was at home, studying, and Alfie would find ways to keep himself entertained.  Playing with his giant lobster, or just taking a nice nap.  Other times he would stare out the glass sliding door...really hoping he can play outside.

Sometimes I really wish I can just be a dog...being able to sit at home, lie down and just sleep... or maybe just running around an open field, playing fetch.

For the most part, everything went well.  I really enjoyed my time taking care of Alfie.  In some ways, he made me miss my family dog who passed away 3 years ago.

Old video of my previous dog chewing on a bone.  *recollecting myself*  

That weekend was so awesome.  I had a greater urge to get a dog...as a matter a fact, I have visited Sac County pound, Sac City pound and the SPCA the past 4 weeks.  But, taking care of Alfie brought to my attention a few issue about dog-ownership I never really thought of too much.  How long did my friends train Alfie to get him to be so obedient...Im sure a lot more than just a few days.  Possible separation anxiety can occur if I own a dog...how do you address that?  How do you house train a dog...I mean I dont want my house to be poopville.  Where should the dog be when I am out of the house...8 hours a day...I mean I cant bring him with me to work.  What about all the dog hair during shedding season?  Would my dog end up chewing everything?  How am I gonna give him a shower/bath?  Alfie did not have any of these issues when I was taking care of him...but the fact that a dog was actually in my house, made me think of these things.  Making me realize I have a lot to work out.  Since a lot of the breeds Im looking at has medium to high energy and at least 3 times bigger than Alfie, it made me really come down to reality regarding owning a dog.

Now...the big question...am I ready for that?  I think I am...but what I think is still a little ways off from reality.  There are a lot of unanswered questions and still a lot to think about and iron out before I can truly pull the trigger.  But we will see what happens...who knows...maybe my next New Member post might be about my new best friend.  ;)

Thanks George and Lisa for giving me the privilege of taking care of Alfie!  :)

Setting your heart FREE!

During my last year in college, God had given me a small taste of what it means to have joy.  I did not fully experience it, but I realized, I dont have to be happy to be full of...

But if you know me...I worry...A LOT.  So after graduation, the taste of joy was shattered by worry...caused by uncertainty, frustration, and pain.  I would go through day by day, being happy, smiling and being polite to people.  But if you pulled me aside, and ask how I was really doing, you would know I had some major problems.  I longed to have the taste of joy that God was beginning to show me.  As a result, one of my biggest prayers and desires was for God to help me experience joy.

Now, three years later, I think God had answered my prayers.  I have learned to be at peace and content with where I am at in my life (for the most part).  This does not mean I dont want things to change.  I mean I still want to know what does God have planned for my career, what my purpose is, if I am ever going to somehow find that special someone.  But...for the most part...I just feel content and ok with whatever is set on my path.  I realized three years isnt exactly a short journey.  But there are many lessons that I have learned to come to this point...and much more lessons to come.  Here are some of the things that I found out about joy.

*  *  *

In my book, happiness and joy are pretty different.  I realized I can be happy without having joy or have joy without being happy.  

To further understand what I am saying, let's look at happiness first.  Happiness is temporary, and surface level.  For example, if you look at some drug commercial on TV (or almost any commercial)  and you see people playing with their kids and their dog or hugging their husband/wife with a big smile on their face (the American Dream)...that is a good picture of happiness.  But, let's pause on that happy scene. *press pause button*  Let's look at the things that might be burdening the hearts of these people...they might be worried about losing their job or home, might be going through a hard break up with a significant other, mourning a death of a family member, or some other significant event that might cause one to struggle within the heart.  The picture shows people having a good time and being happy.  But, happiness does not always reflect on the condition of the heart.  

So what about joy...Joy is on a deeper level.  It's a sense of peace, contentment, and being unburdened in your heart.  The best way I can describe it is true freedom.  Day to day, when we begin to worry about things that goes on in our lives (how am I going to pump out this project by next week, what am I doing with my life, what does he/she think of me, am I going to pass this class, etc.), we become enslaved by those repeating thoughts (aKa: worry).  It's like worry is taking us hostage.  Your mind might end up replaying different scenarios to solve a problem, or just not sure how you can accomplish the seemingly impossible task.  As a result, your heart is burdened and the deep sense of peace, contentment and joy can not be achieved.  This is the reason why you can be happy when you do things you enjoy, but be enslaved by your worries...causing you to lack joy.  

To be free from being enslaved by worry, our hearts need to let go of the worries...in other words, stop worrying.  This is where Christ comes in.  If we can truly trust that God is in control and He knows what is best for us, worry is useless to us.  If what will happen is going to happen, worrying will not change the outcome.  So I try my best to live by this...do your best, work your hardest, and God will take care of the rest.  Anyways...I ran across this quote the other day that really does a good job illustrating my point:

"I define joy as a sustained state of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters."  

~Oprah Winfrey

So go and set your heart free!  May it no longer be a slave or hostage to your worries.  (yea...I know...easier said than done.)