Spoiled Brat

I had a sudden conviction today in the morning.  I woke up being anxious, flustered, annoyed, and just plain overwhelmed due to a few personal circumstances.  Woke up on the wrong side of the bed you can say.  But as I woke up with these feelings, I quickly began to pray knowing what's bothering me can destroy the entire day.  As I began to run my errands, a thought came in my head, "You are such a spoiled brat."

When there is something wrong in my life, I pout and cry to God; if something that even remotely bothers me, I cry out to God; if I want something, I cry out to God; if I am greatly in pain I cry out to God...But when it comes down to serving God, there is always a condition.  It is as if I bargain with God to get out of my duties.  If things go well in my life, I praise God for all the great things that goes on an move on with my life.  Completely spoiled brat status.

My brattiness has been causing most of my anxiety and frustration.  When I want something to happen in my life very badly, I end up saying to myself, "I have to do (fill in the blank)."  A master plan is formulated as if my own master plan can fulfill my deep desires.  The reason why I pray/cry to God is in hopes that my plan would work and get what I want.  Because I put so much faith in what I want and my desires, anxiety is formed...knowing that God does not have to grant what I want and wish for.

This conviction has shown how broken and selfish I am.  An issue I do not know how to fix.  It is something that has hindered my faith and trust in the one and only True God.  I neglect the fact that I am his...that I am "not [my] own, [I was] bought at a price.  Therefore [I should] honor God with [my] body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Ok...Im quoting this verse out of context a bit.  But it is true...If I am made for God, I should be honoring Him...not try to use God to fulfill my own agenda and whine to God when I dont get what I want.

Lord Jesus!  Forgive me for my lack of faith.  I pray that I would not be anxious, and not be a spoiled brat, but rather trust that whatever happens, going with my plans and desires or not, that You know what is best for me.  You know it better than I know myself.  I cannot change with purely my own will power...but only the Holy Spirit can change this hardened heart of mine.  Let your Spirit be present now and heal this wicked part of my heart.  I am Yours.